


Dear Valentine

by timeywimeysquirel



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Bad Flirting, Comfort/Angst, Companions, Crying, Death, Depression, Dirt - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fallout, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Past Character Death, Realistic, Robot Feels, Soul Bond, Synth, dogmeat - Freeform, quotes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-10-05 04:11:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeywimeysquirel/pseuds/timeywimeysquirel
Summary: I headed to Diamond City to get that strange detective to find my husband's killer.In the end, I found more than that.I found a lifelong companion.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> I hate these notes and always skip them.  
> Anyways: This is my first story. Please be nice.  
> Also, Shaun does not exist in here.

Commonwealth, 3 years after waking up.

My day started as usual. In a cold sweat. Curled up in a corner with my belongings pressed close to my body. Dogmeat was resting next to me, whimpering lowly at the gunshots we heard from far away.  
"It's alright, boy.." I whispered softly as I stretched my aching leg out to look at the wound which I had gotten the day before. Damn Supermutants.  
One of them had attacked me with a wooden board -quite pathetic- and had left a deep cut along with splinters. The wound was swollen and oozing pus. It made me groan just from looking at it. It got infected. Against all my hopes.  
"And I don't even have a Stimpak.." I groaned, causing Dogmeat to look up at me. And started wagging his tail. He thought he would be getting his breakfast now. But I did not have anything with me.  
"Sorry, boy.. You ate the rest yesterday.." I explained softly and caressed over his head with an exhausted smile.  
My plan was to head to Diamond City in order to get a lead on who killed my husband many years ago. Nobody had been able to help me before but one Settler back home in Sanctuary Hills told me about a detective in the main city. I had hoped to reach Diamond City within two days so I had not taken much with me.  
It was the seventh day now.  
One week out in the wasteland with no food and not even bandages. At least I got enough ammo left. Dogmeat had gotten the last meat instead of me. I could not let my trustful companion starve after all.  
I would rather die myself.  
But before that could happen, I needed to kill that bastard that killed my husband.  
A pretty dumb idea, I know. But I needed to do this. This is the only thing left to do. My whole family was dead..  
The whole neighborhood, everyone I knew. Getting revenge for at least a small part of them was the least.  
I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard the gunshots getting closer. Dogmeat howled at the sounds and I quickly held his mouth close.  
"Shh.. It's alright, boy.. " I tried to calm him down in a rather desperate attempt. What to do now?  
After not being able to force myself onto my feet, I groaned and grit my teeth, sinking back down.  
"Shit.." the words left my mouth while my brain worked desperately to find something I could cover up my wound with. The only thing I could think of was a used pack of duct tape. This should work.  
Pulling the gray tape out of my bag, I tied it around my hurt leg, hissing through grit teeth at the stinging pain. 'It is just a scratch!' I kept disciplining myself and sunk back after I finally finished.  
My heart was beating at a rapid pace, my leg pulsing at the pain. It was burning.  
It remembered me of that one time I hit my small toe on the bedframe. Nate, my beloved man, laughed at me but immediately ran to me to help.  
I remembered him picking me up and carrying me to the couch with his strong arms. His scent.. His love.  
His deep brown eyes with the gentle expression in them, every time he talked to me. Even our small fights seemed like a dream compared to what I was going through now.  
My mind wandered off, back to these warm arms, wrapped around me during our evenings on the couch in front of the chimney. Sometimes he read to me -just a few pages from a book he was reading himself or some papers from work. It did not matter what he was reading. Just hearing the others voice and feeling the vibrations of his chest while he was talking was everything I needed in my life.  
Even his voice was in my head at that beautiful daydream.  
Which suddenly ended with Dogmeat panicky licking my face.  
That had not been a daydream. That had been a short time being unconscious.  
Dogmeat had woken me up. Luckily.  
The gunshots were right around the corner now, followed by loud yells. Raiders.  
Better than Supermutants, worse that Ghouls.  
I forced myself onto my feet along with my bag, signing Dogmeat to follow me silently. I did not want those Raiders to hear me. My condition did not allow me to fight them now. And it was not worth getting hurt even more and risking Dogmeats health as well. And it was only two more miles until we would arrive at Diamond City.  
I had gotten the key for an apartment from the same Settler that had also given me the hint to search for that detective. It had costed me two thousand caps but it was worth it. Hopefully.  
I had fallen asleep in a corner of a burnt down house the night before, exhausted from running for over an hour. My Vault Jumpsuit was sweaty and dirty, torn and blood covered at some places. That had been my last one, the other ones ripped apart for a long time. I had gone back to Vault 111 to get more jumpsuits, not wanting to let go of the last piece of my past. That was it now. The last reminder of the happy times.  
"No." I scolded myself, ignoring Dogmeats confused expression at my growls. I still had Nate. He was still there, conserved in that capsule. Although it had been three years, I still was not able to fully let go.  
Running a hand through my knotted hair, I blinked a few times to get my red eyes wet and be able to see at least something. I really needed a shower.  
After we managed to avoid the Raiders around the corner, the rest of the way luckily went by without any troubles.  
By the time I reached the gates to Diamond City I must have looked like a feral ghoul by the gazes the guards gave me.  
First as they heard me talk, they were willing to accept that I was human.  
"Stop right there. Knowing that you are human is not enough to let you in. State your business." The guard commanded, holding me back by grabbing my upper arm. I stopped but glared at him, causing the male to let go of me with wide eyes. Yeah, that gaze could be really intimidating.  
"Here to stock up on supplies. Meet someone. Leave afterwards again. No trouble." I explained with a sigh, crossing my arms. I hated being that harsh and cold but it helped. There was no time for being friendly in this cruel, new world. Nobody cared anyways. What did it help to greet the Supermutants before they killed you? Nothing. So I decided to just be bitter and rude, fitting perfectly into this rotten world.  
The guard seemed to be pleased with that answer and looked me up and down before his gaze fell onto Dogmeat.  
"And him? Will he cause any trouble?" He asked with a raised brow.  
"The dog? No. He's calm." He said while Dogmeat sat down next to me, showing the most peaceful and sweetest expression he had ever shown. Traitor. He was supposed to growl at the guard to frighten him. Great. Another ruined reputation.  
Before I could think further about why Dogmeat decided to act like that right at that moment, the guard klicked his tongue and waved at his colleagues who pushed the door open for me to enter.  
"You may pass. But watch it. As soon as you try something out of order, we will not hesitate to end it." He said, earning a sarcastic smile from me.  
"Of course. Thank you for my kindness." I sighed and walked past him into the great, green jewel of the Commonwealth.  
I never understood why they nicknamed it like that until I stepped in. The walls of the huge stadium the city was built in were coloured in a bright green. I knew this stadium from the pre wad time.  
I used to go here with Nate. Before I could fall back into depression, Dogmeat barked at me, nudging his wet nose against my hand. Right. He still did not have any breakfast until now.  
"I will get you something right away." I smiled down at him, walking over to a counter with a robot standing behind it.  
"Nan-ni shimasho-ka?"it asked in a metallic voice, the lights in his head blinking like he was actually watching me.  
"What?" I frowned at him, not understanding a word.  
"Don't even try. He doesn't understand anything.. Just point at what you wanna.." a woman next to me said, not even looking up as she ate her indefinable substance. I shrugged and pointed at a can of meat and a bowl of noodles. The soup was actually still warm as I got it.  
What a welcoming surprise.  
Paying for the food, I ignored the robots words. I would not understand them anyways. I grabbed an empty bowl off the counter, I filled it with the meat I had bought and placed it in front of Dogmeat on the ground. After seeing the dog eat happily, I allowed myself to relax at least a little and also eat. There were many people on the main market, all of them busy with whatever they were doing. I kept my eyes on a young girl that was standing a little further away on a wooden box and tried to hand out a newspaper to everyone. Was it that one Boston Bugle paper which was laying all around the Commonwealth? I did not know how many times I had read that one already. Why would anyone even buy that? It did not seem to sell that well although some people were buying it after all. Well. Let them do what made them feel better.  
I quickly finished up, aching to get into the apartment and shower. The new clothes could wait. Maybe there even was something in the flat.  
"Come on, boy." I said to Dogmeat as I stood up. He was licking the bowl clean as good as he could but stopped and looked up at me as I left. Licking his snout, he followed after me at a slow pace, his tail wagging happily. At least one of us was happy.  
I quickly found the apartment after only ten minutes of searching, Dogmeat being not much of a help. He was also very tired, not even wanting to take the scent to lead them to the apartment.  
"Come on boy.. You can sleep now.." I whispered with a smile, yawning loudly. Opening up the apartment, I stepped inside. Wow. It was big. And completely empty. At least there was a bed and a bathroom. The flat was an open space with steel and stone walls, making it look even bigger due to the lack of anything. And it was cold. But I could not care less. The only thing that really mattered now was the safety I had in here. No ghouls or Raiders or Supermutants around. Safe at last. Dropping I stripped out of the dirty clothes without a second thought and walked into the bathroom. The short gaze into the mirror was more than enough for me that day. Now I understand why the guards had been that suspicious of letting me in.  
My face was covered in mud and blood and some other fluids. I could not quiet decide what they were. Probably bloatfly spit.  
I looked horrible. As usual after such a day of running around in the wasteland.  
I chuckled at the sight. Only a few years ago I would not have been able to even think of such a sight. Now it was normal. Turning my head away, I just stepped into the shower. The water was cold as usual, but at least it was water. And not too radioactively infected.  
There was even soap in the shower. Rinsing off all the dried blood and probably too much feces.  
It took me half an hour to clean myself properly. I was shivering from the cold by then.  
After drying off with the small towel I found next to the sink, I left the bathroom to look after the wound on my leg. It had been pulsing the whole day and now just felt numb and swollen. Walking over to the bed, I sighed relieved as I found a dresser next to it and dropped onto the incredibly soft mattress. This was the first time I had sat on something that soft in the last month. While I tried to convince myself to pull the duct tape off my leg, I watched Dogmeat lay down next to the bed, watching me protectively.  
'Good boy..' I thought with a smile. I knew exactly that I was just trying to concentrate on something else instead of my leg but quickly forced myself to snap out of it. I had to do it eventually anyways. So better now than never. Grabbing the edges of the tape, I closed my eyes tightly before I ripped it off with a harsh pull.  
"FUCKUNG SHIT!! GODDAMMIT! ARGHHHJ!!" I yelled out, pretty sure that everyone in Diamond city had heard that exclaim. Everything went black for a moment and I sunk down onto my back on the bed.  
It hurt. So much. So freaking much!  
The wound was completely swollen up with pus literally flowing out of it by then. This was just disgusting. Even after all the wounds I had gotten until then it still disgusted me to see that kind of stuff.  
Rummaging through the drawer next to me to distract myself of the hot stinging in my leg, I sighed as I found a needle and thread along with some actual alcohol.  
It probably was supposed to be disinfectant but ended up to be just real strong alcohol. I wondered where that settler had gotten it from. Well, it did not matter right then anyways.  
Did it matter at all?  
As long as people had enough to drink away their pain it did not matter what exactly was into the drinks.  
Rule of the Commonwealth.  
I did not need the stuff for that cause anyways. I simply needed it to clean my wound. So. Just pour it over it.  
Right now. No other way.  
Groaning, I slumped back an other time. Maybe just one sip..  
"Damn.. That stuff is harsh.." I coughed loudly after taking one deep sip. Enough to send me flying.  
Before I could think to much about it, I was already letting the biting fluid run over the cut. It nearly caused me to throw up. But it was better like that. It was much better! So much better!!  
My panting got heavier again and my heartbeat quickened to a rapid speed. Was this really worth it?  
"Come on, girl. Just need to stitch it up a bit then you're done.. You can do that.." I kept telling myself until I actually believed it.  
"I can do that!" I whispered as I got the needle.  
Half an hour of agony and pain later, I finally managed to stitch myself up.  
"Good girl.. See? Now it can heal properly.." I whispered softly to myself as I tried to slow my breathing down.  
My head turned around to look at Dogmeat who had stayed calm the whole time, watching me silently. Now he came over to snuggle against my face, trying to comfort me.  
"You are also a very good boy.." I smiled at him and caressed over his head. Dogmeat was the only one able to give me at least some comfort during all these times.  
I kept laying there and caressing Dogmeat until I had managed to calm down again and sit up. Luckily there were some bandages in the drawer as well so I could wrap the leg up. Sitting there on the bed in a post nuclear city made out of scrap metal with mutated beasts all around me, I felt at peace for once.  
The peace did not remain for long though, it stopped as I heard someone arguing outside.  
Taking a deep breath, I carefully slid off the bed and stood up. I made sure to balance on my healthy leg as I searched through the drawer for something to dress in.  
Jackpot!  
Dirty leather pants and a gray shirt. Both was too big for my nearly anorexic body but I took it on anyways. I just needed something to wear. No matter what.  
After dressing up, I dropped back onto the bed and pulled the ripped blanket over myself, resting my head on a stray pillow. Not the best but better than what I was used to.


	2. Detective on the run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the detective seems like a good plan.  
> And he is willing to help.

Diamond City, three years after waking up

I woke up to soft music playing in the background and the smell of coffee lingering in the air.  
"Sir? Breakfast is ready. Is your wife still sleeping?" I heard Codsworth calling out.  
A frown appeared on my face. Codsworth? The robot had survived through the nuclear blast and was still in Sanctuary Hills, having spent his time cutting bushes and cleaning.  
But that was in Sanctuary Hills. And I was in Diamond City. Or was I not?  
Codsworth being there was not the only thing which startled me. And not the most important thing.  
'Your wife' was what irritated me to the fullest. So Codsworth was talking to.. My husband?  
My eyes darted open, my heart immediately pounding faster. It all had been a dream!  
"Nate?!" I called out as I quickly sat up, my head turning around.  
I was sitting on my bed, my double bed located in a pre war environment. Back home in Sanctuary Hills. A quick gaze to my left revealed my face in the mirror on our big dresser. I looked great. My face and hair was neat, my body at a good weight with even some fat on my hips. Jumping up, I turned in front of the mirror to check for the many scars I got used to the last three years.  
Nothing.  
Not a single scar.  
"Nate! Nate, where are you?!" I called out even louder than before, my eyes shining with pure excitement as I stormed out of the room.  
I could not believe that this all had been just a bad dream of which I finally had woken up. It was amazing. My chest filled with a warmth I thought I had lost a long time ago. My mind was dizzy, filled with joyous emotions.  
Just as I passed the doorframe, I ran into someone.  
"Wow, slow down honey.." a soft voice whispered. Nate.  
"Nate.." I only managed to mumble, my whole head filled with just that one name.  
I felt tears running over my face as I looked up at him, my arms wrapping around his neck.  
"Nate.. You are alive.. I love you so much.. Nate.." I cried softly as I placed kisses all over the tallers face before I met his lips.  
"Honey.." Nate started talking with a slight frown on his face but got interrupted by my loving and deep kisses.  
"No talking.." I mumbled and pressed tightly against him, the others scent embracing me.  
I was home.  
"No.. Honey. I am not alive.." Nate whispered, causing me to pull away after all.  
"What? Of course you are. You are standing right in front of me. And you feel very much alive." I chuckled, a bright grin spreading on my face.  
"No.. Don't you remember? I got killed by those strangers.. In the Vault, after the nuclear blast. I am dead, silly.." he explained like it was the most ordinary thing in the world.  
"It wasn't just a dream. It was reality. This here is a dream." Nate hummed with a small smile, laying a hand on my cheek to gently caress over it. That smile. That expression. It was pity.  
I shook my head and stepped back, pulling away from Nate. He was only telling the truth. He could not..  
"No, please don't.." I whispered, stumbling back until I hit the wall behind me. I suddenly felt cold again, Nate's warmth having left me along with the pleasant, fuzzy feeling inside my chest. All gone, I was alone again. Just as my back smashed against the wall, my eyes seperated again. 

I was back in the shaggy flat in Diamond City, post apocalyptic. Back in reality.  
"No.. No. No!" I yelled out, starting with a quiet mumble which quickly turned into loud crying.  
This was so unfair. Why would my brain play such a trick on me? It was like my body tried to hurt me even more. It felt like an eternity until I heard a scared whimper next to me. Turning my heard around, my teary eyes fell onto Dogmeat who was laying next to me, gently licking over my hand. I had not even noticed.  
"It's alright, boy.. Just a bad dream." I said softly and forced a smile onto my face.  
I sat up, rubbing my face with my cold, shaking hands. Everything was cold. My body, my soul and also everything surrounding me.  
I forced my aching body onto my feet, ignoring the pain in my leg for now. It was morning already and I had to leave before too many people appeared on the market place. I did not want to talk to others right now or get asked dumb questions.  
My hair was a total mess that morning since I had not combed it after showering- and I moved a lot at night, especially when I was dreaming something that intense. I ran a hand through the birds nest on my head on my way into the bathroom, trying to get it into some order at least. A short look into the mirror showed me that I still could be mistaken with a ghoul. My eyes were surrounded by dark circles, my lips chapped and my cheeks gaunt.  
What a sight.  
Before I could find more blemishes in my face, I turned away and made my way to the entrance door where I had dropped my bag the day before. Searching through it, I removed everything inside except for some bottle caps to buy food for Dogmeat and myself. Luckily, I had taken enough caps with me to pay for groceries and the detective.  
The detective to which I really should go now.  
Damn, I was even more distracted than normally.  
All thanks to that dream.  
"Boy, come on. I'll get you something to eat on the way." I smiled at Dogmeat as I walked over to the door, throwing my bag over my shoulder.  
My companion followed me onto the heels as I left the apartment, locking the door behind me.  
I walked straight to a shop a few steps away from the main market. A woman with blonde, short hair and an undercut stood behind the counter, a big piece of meat in front of her.  
As I stepped up to her, she did not even lift her head, only sending me a short gaze.  
"What can I get you?" She asked, barely moving her teeth. What a nice person.  
"One Mirelurk Steak and two baked bloatflies. Also canned meat.. Oh, and purified water." I said, looking around her small store, checking if everything was at least somehow fresh. I could not expect anything better so I had to deal with this. The woman only muttered a few words while wrapping my order up in bloody pieces of cloth before she handed it to me.  
"83 caps." She said, now looking up at me while leaning against the counter. Her skin was in a light bronze, her hair looking like straw. The only remarkable thing about her were her eyes.  
Although I could not quite say which colour they were, I could see a strong will behind them. She was determined to stay alive. She had hopes, maybe even faith that things would change. It was rare to meet such people out here in the Commonwealth.  
And it was quite a refreshing variety in contrast to all the empty, dull eyes I looked into every day.  
I paid with a short smile, stuffing everything into my bag. Nodding at Dogmeat, the animal followed me with a wagging tail on my way to the detective. I did not need to search long for the agency.  
There was a bright, pink neon sign pointing to it.  
Was it really a detective agency? It looked more like a strip club.  
'Valentine Detective Agency' it read, the bright light hurting my eyes as I looked at it. Next to the writing was a heart with an arrow piercing it right through the middle. A strip club. For sure.  
Dogmeat sat down next to the door as I knelt down to him and opened the can with meat for him.  
"Stay here, boy. I'll be back soon." I said to him, caressing over his head before I stood back up.  
Shaking my head with a sigh, I decided to just walk ahead to the entrance door which was decorated with the same sign again. I took a deep breath and stepped inside. It said 'open' after all.  
It felt like stepping into another world. The inside of the agency being lit by only two lamps. The light was not the first thing I noticed though. It was the strong smell of cigarettes.  
I would die for one.  
Before all of this war stuff happened, I had smoked from time to time, mostly after a hard day of work. It had been quite relaxing to just breathe in the cold smoke and exhale it again. Nate had never been fond of my smoking habit but he had just let it rest after some time. Of course I knew that it was bad for me and my body, but now it did not even matter anymore. Although I had not even thought about lighting a cigarette these past three years, I now felt the strong urge to do so. Maybe if I had some caps left someday, I would be able to buy a pack.  
My eyes wandered through the room which was filled with thousands of files laying all around it until I laid my gaze on a man. He was sitting behind a desk not far from the entrance door, his head lowered so I could only see his head and the tip of a glowing smoke. His face was completely covered, his neck barely visible either and the next thing I could see was the top of a dirty trenchcoat.  
What a stunningly familiar sight. He reminded me of an old-fashioned detective back in my time. Just as I was about to approach him, he looked up at me.  
My eyes widened and I could not help but to stumble back a little upon that terrifying sight. His face looked like it was peeling off his skull which was in fact not human but the one of a machine. The left side of his face was the worst. Parts of the machine skeleton was exposed, reaching from his ear to his cheekbones. His neck only existed halfway, the middle of it being covered by the same, gray, leather like skin.  
His eyes were just two yellow circles, shining in the dark. He looked like a robot, like a..  
"Synth.." I mumbled, staring at him in disbelief with furrowed brows. The man only chuckled at my expression, resting his chin on his crossed hands, his elbows on the table.  
"Well done, Sherlock." He said in a deep and rusty voice, the kind of voice which caused shivers to run down my spine.  
His face..  
After a few minutes of time, I managed to calm myself down and walk over to the desk to sit on the chair across the synth, staring down at the table.  
I coughed quietly and cleared my throat before I looked up into the man's glowing eyes.  
"I need your help." I stated with a totally serious expression on my face, having caught myself after the first shock. I really hoped that stranger would be able to help me. Just getting this over with was my main goal at that time. I did not like synths, nobody did. The few ones I have already met were cruel, emotionless machines, built to kill. Why should this one be different?  
"If it'd be different, I doubt you'd be here.." the detective said with a short smile on his face which quickly turned back into a quiet cold expression upon seeing my face. I had no reason to smile after all. So I would not.  
"Tell me what you need." He sighed, taking an other deep inhale from his cigarette before he pulled out a new file and a paper to write everything down I said.  
My gaze wandered down to his right hand which existed of the machine only. The fingers were just thin, metal sticks, connected by a few screws. I have never seen setting like that, the synths I had met until then had had plastic covers over theirs fingers. What a strange creature..  
After introducing myself to the detective, I started explaining my problem to him.  
"I need to find my husband's murderer. It happened three years ago." I started talking, my expression turning cold. It took me much willpower to not start crying immediately. My gaze still laid on the others metallic hand, watching him write down my words. It looked like a first graders writing. Only a teacher would be able to read this. If they would be..  
To think that a robot, an Android like being would have such messy handwriting. It completely fell out of the concept of how perfect synths usual were. Or how they were supposed to be. Humans created them to be flawless, trying to make them better every time.  
"You can continue, I might be old but I'm still working properly. You don't have to stop and wait until I finished writing." He said, his piercing eyes watching me closely. His gaze was creeping me out. They looked too human for my taste, the yellow circles actually seemed to show some kind of emotions.  
"Two people, one of them dressed in a.. it looked like a biohazard suit. The other one was male.. He.. He was wearing raider clothes. He was bald and had a red scar over his left eye, all the way down to his cheek.." I continued talking, not knowing when I had spoken that much for the last time. I never needed to conversate much since there was nobody to talk to. The people I spoke to were asking me what I wanted and I told them right ahead. No small talk, no feelings. Just as I stopped, I saw the others judging gaze laying on me.  
"What? What is it? Never seen a human before?" I snapped sarcastically, just then feeling the hot wetness dripping onto my clenched fists.  
I was crying.  
Before the detective could say anything, I continued talking.  
"So? Do you know what to do? I.. No, forget about it. I shouldn't have come here. I'm better on my own instead with some stripper detective." I alleged and was about to stand up as the other spoke up.  
"I believe I might know who the murderer was." He stated simply, pressing the rest of his cigarette out in the ashtray in front of him. These words caused me to stop in the middle of my action, staring at him in disbelief.  
"What?" I asked, not able to move. After three years of searching and mindlessly killing everything around me, this stranger who claimed to be a detective told me he knew the killer. After ten minutes.  
Hope spread inside of me, my heart fighting against my head. While my heart told me that I would finally get my revenge, would finally be able to live in peace, my brain told me to snap out of it and accept the cruel reality that I would never be able to let go of my past. It would be a part of me forever. There was nothing I could do against that.  
"What?!" I just asked again, sinking back down onto the chair. The other did not answer at first, lightning an other cigarette before he decided to speak up.  
"People running around in those biohazard suits are not that common. I first thought it would be the children of the atom. But then after you told me what the man looked like, I had no doubts anymore. Conrad Kellogg. He is the only person I know who has such people at his side and who's bald patch shines brighter than anyones future. The scar is probably the prettiest feature he has." He explained slowly, his mechanic eyes darting from the file in front of him to his smoke.  
"Kellogg.." I mumbled, staring into nothing while I tried to remember anyone with that name. No. I did not know anybody like that.  
But whoever that Kellogg guy was, I would kill him.  
"Where is he. I want to find him as quick as possible." I said coldy, determination in my eyes.


	3. Killing is for everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I left the homestead, I really must confess.

The wasteland, three years after waking up

The robot man and I decided to leave the same day. The faster we got this done the better. I had been quite surprised by how well Dogmeat got along with our new companion. He had greeted Valentine with a wagging tail and a happy expression on his face. The happiest a dog could look.  
My feet already hurt shortly after we left the Great Green Jewel of the Commonwealth. It was an unpleasing and hot day, the sun burning like a fire in the clear sky. It surely would be a great day for a picnic or a visit at a lake. Before all of that nuclear fallout. Back when the animals were not mutated and children could look at them without being scared for life by how many teats a brahmin had. Not to talk about the two heads. Two heads seemed to be very popular around here but also the lack of non dangerous animals. Sure, brahmins did not attack but I would not want them to run at me at full speed. Not even at a slow speed.  
But everything else was dangerous. Even radstags could be a threat as soon as someone attacked them.  
Everything else was very extreme. Extremely painful, hard to kill and very, very annoying. Waking up in a Vault filled with radroaches had not been the best thing to wake up to.  
I knew what I was talking about.  
The worst were still these annoying, little bloodbugs followed by bloatflies.  
Bloatflies were hard to hit and shoot maggots at you. Which kind of parents would shoot their little ones right out of them at attackers? But I had to admit that it was quite effective. Disgusting but effective. Well, bloodbugs suck blood and spit it out afterwards again but that time the blood is radioactively infected and used as a weapon against the victim. The worst part about those nasty animals still was the fact that they used to be one or two centimetres long. Or even less. Now they can reach about one metre. Although the meat can be sold for a good price, it was a mess to collect their remains after some species tend to explode upon death.

It was common but still a little unsettling what could be found in corpses. Whether inside animals, humans. While their bodies usuals contained bullets -mostly mine- they also sometimes held sable coats and wedding rings. I had found a Teddy bear once and although it was covered in blood and smelled like years old feces Dogmeat immediately loved it. I had managed to wash it a few times but the red strains were still on the stuffed animal, the smell now similar to the one of a dying brahmin.  
The Teddy bear was waiting back at home in Sanctuary Hills but the dead brahmin was only twenty meters in front of us. I was the first one to notice the eating bloatflies and ghouls around the disgustingly misshaped body of the long dead brahmin. Quickly grabbing Dogmeat by his collar -a souvenir an attack dog from raiders gave us. Voluntarily of course.-, I held him back from running ahead.  
"Valentine. Stop. We are continuing off-road.", I whispered to the synth next to me. I nodded to the mutated beasts ahead to show him what was up and the man nodded. Disappearing into the bushes next to the road, I told Dogmeat to follow me close at my feet. Luckily my faithful companion was able to understand the chance of danger and lowered his head as he walked next to me.  
We crouched down behind a few bushes near the obscene scene on the street. I did not want to get into a fight. It was unnecessary since the flesh was already too rotten go eat and the bullets would just go to waste. Killing ghouls was rather good though. Less beasts to fight and more silver spoons to carry around. I did not know why but ghouls were nearly always carrying those with them. One of the many problems about ghouls were that they nearly never ran around alone. They moved and attacked in small groups starting with four specimens up to pack with more than twenty of them. And firing one bullet could cause even more of these undead people to appear. Not that just one bullet would kill them, either. They continued attacking even without their arms or legs. Rough beasts, eager to eat you or at least infect you with radiation. The brahmins flesh was violet coloured and quickly rotting away, the sweet scent of death heavy in the dense heat of the day. It was causing me to feel sick. I wanted to throw up.  
Even after all these years, I was still not used to that smell. It stuck in my nose and would stay there for a few more days at least.  
Some things never change I guess.  
But quietly rotting away did not sound too bad. The thing about being eaten by monsters did though.  
"Radiation is weird, huh?", Valentine suddenly said in a low voice, his gaze fixed on the ghouls. I looked over at him, at the yellow, glowing orbs this machine called his eyes. My gaze moved to the broken parts of his face at the cheek and down to his neck. Watching the small screws work to keep him running, I waited for him to continue talking.  
"It either kills you or turns you into an immortal monster." His voice was cold and kind of emotionless. But his words were true. I was wondering what the other was thinking. Was he even thinking? Was such a being even able to think freely without a special use to it? At least I was sure that he could not feel anything.  
Or could he?  
As if Valentine was able to go read minds, he turned his head around to face me. Well, I had been staring at him for quiet a while now.  
"You'd be shocked by how many folks I've managed to convince I'm just a really sick ghoul. But the look you're giving me is just creepy.", He sighed and actually smiled crookedly. It made me turn away and stand up swiftly. That smile was strange. I did not even know what exactly was the reason I thought so. The half smile with one side pulled up more than the other. It looked so kind, so human. That was it. The sythn was looking way too human.  
"We should continue before the ghouls notice us.", I said in a passive voice, my mind still busily trying to figure out what to think about Valentine. He was a weird machine.  
"We should find shelter soon. I don't want.. To walk through the night. There's a storm coming too..", I managed to get out, my words neither really making sense to me nor were they in a proper order.  
What was it really? Was I afraid of the dark and just wanted to hide away? No. I was not. I was just tired. Exhausted even.  
Finally continuing walking, we soon left the brahmin and the ghouls behind. It took hours until we reached a place I was finally satisfied with. The sun was already setting, covering everything in a soft pink tone. It was beautiful. Not even the wasteland could ruin that. The ground reflected the last sun rays of the day and lightened up the Red Rocket gas station we were approaching. Probably better than anything we would be able to find that day.

It was quite fun to watch how Dogmeat nearly immediately started collecting small wooden sticks as soon as I placed my backpack on the ground and pulled out a lighter.  
I had never trained the animal go do that but he had eventually picked the habit up after watching me build a fire multiple times. Sometimes Dogmeat seemed like the only halfway clever being I had ever met in this broken world.  
Raiders never learned out or their companions former mistakes. They just kept attacking every Non-Raider creature, unnecessary whether the attackers were ghouls or death claws.  
Although I had killed an endless amount of them too and was pretty famous around the wasteland as the leader of the newly relived Minutemen they still tried to shoot me as soon as I was withing their sight. Maybe the radiation was constantly shrinking their brains or they were just suicidal..  
A group of suicidal post apocalyptic people trying to frantically die.  
Maybe I should join. I was not suicidal, I was just sick of this life, sick of dithering every day only to barely survive. Maybe I was not tired because of the lack of sleep. Maybe I was tired of living. Exhausted of keeping my body running. While collecting wood along with Dogmeat, I watched Valentine rummaging at an electricity box on the outside wall of the shop from the corner of my eyes. He seemed very concentrated with what he was doing, his mechanical hand easily sliding between the tiny screws and cables. It was quite fascinating to watch. So mesmerising that it eventually caused me to stop collecting wood and stand next to the synth just go stare. I felt his gaze flicking over to me for a second before turning back to the box.  
"A hand like this comes quite in handy in such moments.", Valentine said in this smokey voice of his, his dropped lips turning into an amused smile.  
"What are you doing?", I only replied, my eyes still fixed on the minimalistic movements of his steel fingers.  
Before the other could answer I suddenly heard a small buzzing sound in the air. It sounded somehow similar to bugs but completely different at the same time. I knew that noise, it caused some kind of comfort to spread inside me although I could not quite name it yet.  
The feeling which was locked to the sound was way too faint, too deep inside my subconsciousness to recognize what it was. First as my eyes automatically closed halfway and a short but sharp pain shot through my head I remembered the buzzing.  
Valentine had managed to turn the lights on, the small noise coming from pre-apocalyptic generators.  
The purring was much more quiet than the batteries nowadays. Although it was putting us into great danger, I did not want it to be turned off yet. Just a little longer. I was starting to enjoy the feeling of the nearly sterile, white light on my body as the lamps suddenly started giving off a kind of screeching sound before the light bulbs exploded. These few seconds of light had been all there was. I had not expected anything more. Rather less. It was a wonder that they had worked at all, being able to survive a nuclear fallout was a thing not many could say about themselves. Neither human nor object. I took a deep breath and continued collecting wood. "It is better like that. Light attracts whatever threat is near us." I said to Valentine, not knowing whether I wanted to convince him or myself. It took Dogmeat and me some time to collect firewood and finally be able to start a fire inside a garage at the side of the Red Rocket gas station. Sinking down on the hard stone floor, I dropped my backpack next to myself and stretched my injured leg. Dogmeat laid down next to me, looking up with an expecting expression on his face. He wanted food. Like he always did. "I'm getting poor just trying to feed you." I said with a small smile and caressed over the dogs head, giving him some of the love he needed. He deserved much more though after always being at my side no matter what. Valentine leaned against the wall a few steps away from us, watching us silently. He had not said a word since the light had turned off again. Not that I cared. I reached over to my bag and pulled out the meat I had bought, smelling it shortly to make sure it was still alright to eat. I would have never eaten this before the apocalypse. The meat was too old, too suspicious and had spent too long outside a fridge to even think about eating it. But things had changed. Taking out the small pan which I was always carrying with me out of the backpack, I placed the meat onto it and held it over the fire. Dogmeat would surely be able to eat it raw but I did not want to take the risk of him eating some parasites from inside. Cooked and dead parasites were better than living ones after all.

Dogmeat calmly waited for the meat to be done, his eyes staring at the pan the whole time his food was cooking.

As I pulled the meat off the fire, Dogmeat jumped up with a wagging tail and nudged his nose against my side, his tail going at a rapid speed now. I simply had to smile at his eagerness, ppacing the food in front of him on the ground.  
My gaze wandered around to the outside, checking the surroundings for possible threats.   
After a moment I forced myself up onto my feet, staggering over to check whether the garage door could be closed with shaking legs. There was a button next to the opening but it did not work, no matter how many times or how hard I pushed it.   
Having it work would have been a blessing the wasteland was not willing to give me.  
"Crap..", I muttered and took a deep breath, my legs aching after moving my exhausted body the whole day. My injured leg was not doing too well either. Luckily I had some creams and finally some StimPaks back home in Sanctuary Hills. It could not be too far away from where we were at that night. Maybe ten more miles.  
Still too far to walk that day though.  
Walking during nighttime was a bad idea in general. The path was dark and could mostly not be seen coearl without using some light source which would attract blaotflies and other creatures in return. And the risk of falling and making much more noise than someone should out there was also too high.  
But was it really better to stay in such an uncovered area? With a stranger who also was a synth on top of it?  
Probably not.  
Still trying to get the garage door to work, I watched Valentine out of the corner of my eyes. He was watching Dogmeat, his expression seeming rather calm while doing so. What was the synth up to?  
I could only hope that he would help me find that cereal guy, take the money for it and leave afterwards. No problems. Just simple, dirty work.  
My eyes wandered over the surrounding area one last time before I walked back and slumped down at the fire with a pained expression on my face. Kicking out the fire as well as I could so the light would not cause any enemies to think of having me or Dogmeat as a nice midnight snack, I then crawled into the next corner with my bag pressed tightly against my body.  
Dogmeat looked up from his resting place and strolled over to lay down next to me, placing his head on my lap.  
Before I closed my eyes I pulled out a gun and loaded it, looking over at Valentine while doing so.  
The synth watched me closely, his gaze currently laying on the weapon in my hands.   
I was pretty sure he understood that I would shoot him if he got too close or tried anything stupid.


End file.
